Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Melted Gear: Sold

For years, gamers have been drawn into the swicka-cool cutscenes and hi-tech motions of the Metal Slug Solid genre of gameplays. Jack Snake's crisp, soothing voice, played by Brandon Clarkbar, has lulled players all over the world into a false sense of security before the "solid snake" slips up their "ass" of gaming expectations, raping their funfactor for all it's worth. This time, though, the stakes are higher than ever, as Jack Snake, the top level CIA operative, has suspicions that his boss, OctoKong, is secretly a Metal Gear.

That's right, Jack Snake's hot sexy cyber-android girlfriend has slipped into a coma and to revive her, only he can find the "Metal Gear", the one missing part that will bring her robotic but highly realistic love back to his willing + ready man parts.

This all-new stealth espionage daterape simulator has re-defined the genre of hentai games with its highly reactive, almost explosive cutscene technology. Enjoy up to 500 hours of unplayable movie cutscenes. At certain points in the game, the player will be allowed to press only one button per hour, with 90 minute cutscenes between each press in a 125-button sequence to unlock the final door in the game.

Returning fan favorites such as Vamp and the Metal Gear Mark 3 make their debut for the first time, as well as some old favorites like Raiden and Big Boss who shows up in the ending sequence haha idiot I ruined the game for you, also Raiden actually had a kid with Rosemary, and she's not really married to the colonel, and Snake has a new breed of foxdie in him that is making him into a biological superweapon that will kill everyone in the world. Also, snape kills dumbledore.

So in conclusion, buy this game, because it's really really fun. I played it and you can totally shoot guys, just like in Halo. It's fucking awesome, bro. I mean seriously, it's just like Halo, it's fuckin' BAH BAH BAH (that's the gunshot noise brah) and this dude just fell over like DAAAAAAAAAAMN! That fool got knocked the fuck OUT! For the ultimate in tactical stealth espionage anal invasion, check out Melted Gear: Slod 5, on Xbox 360 and Nintendo SNES today.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

dude you fucking spoiled the game you freakin jerk.